I'm pretty sure Joe has gone now. That's an odd thing to say because I didn't ever feel that he was here: that was one of the hardest things, but now there is just Nothing.
I had a super ride on Wilson this morning. He puts a smile on my face every single time, bless him. Yet it's just ... oh I don't know; different. If he ever became unrideable I don't know what I'd do. I know exactly what I would have done if that had happened to Joe - I'd have simply kept him and loved him.
K and I talked a lot about competing and being competitive the other day. Joe and I liked to compete and it did matter to an extent, but there was so much in our relationship besides that. I can't say the same for Wilson and me. I know, it's only been a year.
It's a bit like the cats. I've had three Special cats in my life: Squindi, Lemmy and Little Shit. All my cats are special and I adore them but at the moment there isn't one who's Special with a capital S.
I feel a bit lonely, but not at all unhappy.
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If it helps, once I came to terms with losing Ted and Chad, that connection to T-Jay flourished.
ReplyDeleteThat's not to say I loved him more because they weren't there - or to say I loved him any less when they were here but when they went, he became my only horse.
He could step out of their shadows and I could focus on what a truly special horse he is for me.
Perhaps now that you've laid Joe to rest (he'll never be 'gone'!), you and Wilson have the opportunity to build that Special bond?
"He became my only horse."
ReplyDeleteI think I may be starting to understand.
It may be time to change my profile photo one day soon.
Thank you xx